Archive for the '4. eat' Category

Gary Barlow

Tuesday, January 14th, 2014

You know that joke, “how do you know when someone has an iPad? Because they tell you”? This adapts very well to the Take That tax avoider. How do you know how Gary Barlow lost five stone? Because he tells you. In precis, he realised, after years of trial and error, “that he doesn’t have the kind of body that allows him to eat whatever he likes” and thereafter, cut out sugar, alcohol, any solids at all after 2pm, and refined carbohydrates. I know! As if he couldn’t get any more charismatic.

Zoe Williams

Tomatoes

Thursday, September 26th, 2013

When 12 [75 years ago] I was out working as a delivery boy for the local grocer. Then I got caught delivering tomatoes by the man from the school board and my parents were taken to court. The summons said I had been working under age “delivering vegetables”. My solicitor pointed out that tomatoes were a fruit and the case was dismissed. I still use the same firm of solicitors today.

Jack Petchey

Scarecrow

Monday, September 23rd, 2013

The Best

Thursday, September 12th, 2013

‘It is demonstrably true,’ he would say, ‘that things cannot be other than as they are. For, everything having been made for a purpose, everything is necessarily for the best purpose. Observe how noses were made to bear spectacles, and so we have spectacles. Legs are evidently devised to be clad in breeches, and breeches we have. Stones were formed in such a way that they can be hewn and made into castles, and so His Lordship has a very beautiful castle. The greatest baron in the province must be the best lodged. And since pigs were made to be eaten, we eat pork all year round. Consequently, those who have argued that all is well have been talking nonsense. They should have said that all is for the best.’

Candide

Napoli

Wednesday, January 23rd, 2013

Napoli

Winner’s Favourite

Tuesday, January 22nd, 2013

Book I’ve only read one book in the last seven years. It’s called Walter the Farting Dog. My fiancee gave it to me.
Film The Third Man, no question.
TV show Has to be Fawlty Towers.
Shop I don’t like shops.
Song Five Little Miles from San Berdoo. Jane Russell sang it in a movie. It’s the most stupid song ever.
View From my bedroom. On the north side you see the garden, which we floodlight with 168 floodlights, and on the other side you see Jimmy Page’s house, which I’ve also floodlit. If he objects, I’ll turn it off.
Place to go on holiday The Villa Feltrinelli on Lake Garda, which was Mussolini’s last home before he left it and got shot.
Restaurant The River Café.
Meal A good old English fry-up: fried bread, fried eggs, sausages, tomatoes, black pudding. Michel Blanc at Le Manoir does a very good English fry-up, and he’s French.

Michael Winner

Veronese

Sunday, December 9th, 2012

Ceil and I gossip in English while, a few trees away, Erminio and his brother-in-law banter in Veronese dialect, laughing constantly.

Dany Mitzman

Amazing

Wednesday, December 5th, 2012

It’s amazing what poverty-enforced boredom can do for productivity.

Lawrence Wakefield

Good

Wednesday, November 21st, 2012

Good

Mushrooms

Sunday, October 7th, 2012

A woman once asked Mr. Cage, ‘’Have you an explanation of the symbolism involved in the death of the Buddha by eating a mushroom?'’ Mr. Cage thought: ‘’Mushrooms grow most vigorously in the fall, the period of destruction, and the function of many of them is to bring about the final decay of rotting material. In fact, as I read somewhere, the world would be an impassible heap of old rubbish were it not for mushrooms and their capacity to get rid of it. So I wrote to the lady in Philadephia. I said, ‘The function of mushrooms is to rid the world of old rubbish. The Buddha died a natural death.’ ‘’

Edward Rothstein