Archive for February, 2012

Attack - Protection

Wednesday, February 22nd, 2012


Wednesday, February 22nd, 2012

At 2.22pm, he texted 999 notifying the emergency services of his location and his intention to commit suicide. He received an automated response, which read: “You texted 999. No emergency service has been alerted. You must be registered to use this service.”

Elizabeth Day

Italy Or France?

Wednesday, February 22nd, 2012

Scorpio: “By the way, Homer. Which is your least favourite country? Italy or France”?
Homer: “…France”
Scorpio: “Nobody ever says Italy…”

John Swartzwelder


Monday, February 13th, 2012

When I recorded a voicemail greeting for my phone I made several attempts – in the end I settled for a message that consisted of 12 words and eight “biscuits”.

Jessica Thom

Judges Who Lunch

Friday, February 10th, 2012

In a study published last year, researchers found that Israeli judges making the difficult and sensitive decision of whether or not to grant parole opted to do so in roughly 65% of cases after lunch, and hardly ever just before.

Jon Henley


Friday, February 10th, 2012

They want to be sure, when the time comes, that no heroic measures will happen – that they will never experience, during their last moments on earth, someone breaking their ribs in an attempt to resuscitate them with CPR.

Ken Murray

Mr. Grimaldi

Saturday, February 4th, 2012

Joseph Grimaldi

The Queen

Saturday, February 4th, 2012

I watched the Queen open her handbag and remove a white suction cup and discretely spit into it. The Queen then attached the cup to the underside of the table. The cup had a hook on it, and she attached her handbag to it.

Jean Willis

Greedy Memories

Saturday, February 4th, 2012

My stubbornness saved me from slipping into anorexia – that and my greedy memories of the fried food I ate in Calabria.

Mary Garret